Domestic Violence in songs

***trigger warning***

It's domestic violence awareness month, so I thought to share songs (and a few external lists) about this serious topic that we must address. Indeed, there are so many couples who direct violence towards one another, in most cases men who abuse their girlfriends and wives, either verbally or physically, and quite often both. 



Although one can explain certain difficulties they face, such as trauma from various causes and stereotypes, one cannot excuse any violent action and hurtful words they utter, because, despite a limited sense of free-will, one must learn to disengage and refrain from these acts and words. 


I found several lists online, with songs about domestic violence, which often also give songs about child abuse, which is, sadly, a logical association, as most of those who abuse their other halves, also abuse their children, directly or indirectly. 

Here's a limited, non-exhaustive list of links I find when I search the terms "songs denouncing domestic violence", a terminology I chose because some songs actually glorify it, or don't take a clear stand against it. 

Diffuser's list  ; The pixel project's list  ; and here's the list by the organisation No More. 

As those and many others lists contain mainly songs I don't musically like, and are in English, which I don't need to translate and discuss, I thought to give you something a little different, by mixing in those that I do like, and include very partial translations of songs in Hebrew, which I must limit and reiterate that I'm not allowed, legally, to translate fully or quote, and that all copyrights go to their legal authors. 

I'll also repeat here my trigger warning. 

• In English, I retain Suzanne Vega's Luka which is known for its chilling lyrics associated with rather cheery pop melodies which could make you think of a happy song if you didn't pay attention to the boy, Luka, talking about his parents hitting him and that it's not the business of his neighbour to ask about the noises she heard... Showing us the societal need to hide the truth about what goes on behind closed doors. Suzanne imagined this song based on her real life neighbour, who wasn't, himself, abused by his parents, and despite her replies in interviews, this song does discuss this very serious topic. 
• Asian Dub foundation invited Sinead O'cconor to sing on their equally chilling video  1000 mirrors which comments on the topic of domestic violence through a video showing a family united around at able asking her to sing, and as the lyrics progress, they realise the topic she's singing, and wish her to shut up and stop. 

I'll now discuss 2 songs in Hebrew, starting with :  

• Yardena Arazi's video "isha hadasha" (= A new woman), released in 2012, starts with statistics regarding the 10 previous years where 150 women were killed by their spouses (in Israel alone!) and that the song is dedicated to them as well as to any woman still living in the shadow of spousal abuse.

Trigger Warning again: Women are shown with makeup mimicking the kind of physical manifestations of beating, so beware about that. 
Occasionally, these women lift cards with words that either repeat lyrics, or encourage other woman. 

The clip was produced through an organisation which aims to help women and children in dire situations of domestic violence, and filmed during one of their campaigns. 

The lyrics were written by Chaim Keinan and melodies by the amazing Yehuda Poliker, where we can hear his Greek influences. The music follows the footsteps of the lyrics, as the majority of the song is about the tragedy of domestic violence, and Yardena's crystal clear voice reminds all these women that their man won't ever change, despite admitting his faults, and promising to alter his actions ; Yardena further adds that they must leave, and take away their children with them. 

The song progresses from lines discussing the fact women walk with their pain and shame, and that their cheeks are dry - the imagery adding here that these women are compelled to hide and wipe their tears, in a society which still tries to deny the ravages they go through, to similar but altered lines where the pain and shame don't testify to their weakness. That, instead, from pain and shame, they will grow into new women. At this point, the background shifts from black to white ; Yardena appears determinate and smiles, as a victory over fear and a show of resolution, and the women appearing in the video start ripping their bandages, caressing their wounded faces, and also start smiling and nod in understanding and perfect harmony to Yardena's displayed determination, and there are further lines about coming together, in unity, to find each other's strengths and combine them. 

I'v read how some of the women who came to the set for this clip broke down in tears and couldn't stop, and how both Yardena and the producer helped them through these difficult moments and accepted that some of these women only display signs, when they didn't wish to be filmed with makeup. This is how powerful that moment was between these women, some of whom witnessed or experienced these situations. 

This is the most poignant song ever sang by Yardena, and moves me to tears every time I listen or dare watching this video. It's a powerful testimonial and a call to end the plague that is domestic violence as well as the subsequent collateral damages of children who witnessed it. 

• While I'm on Poliker, I'll discuss his own song 'ktamim' (=stains, or can be translated also spots, or marks). He wrote the melody as a rock song, with very progressive notes which never become too rhythmic, and adds to the dramatic lyrics which he co-wrote with Yaakov Gilaad with whom he had worked at the time. 

These lyrics pertain to a man talking to his mother, asking her not to lie for her husband's violent conducts towards her. The narrator knows this man, whilst the woman knows that man's palm - the one with which he keeps beating and humiliating her with. 
The entire lyrics are those of a son, trying to help his mother by reminding her of this violence that she's put through, and very poignant. I cannot do it justice, and they convey such levels of tragedy that I understand why there is no official videoclip for it ; it'd probably be way too graphic to match the force with which Poliker's "oh no, I know him, don't lie for him, you know his palm" and he goes on with the purple blots left on her blue eyes, and how madness keeps entering her husband, even after he apologizes - much like Yardena's song, but without the positive ending. 

Now, I know that Poliker's parents were Holocaust survivors and that the traumas left on them both have been the main source of inspiration to Yehuda's songwriting throughout his carrer. I don't know if this is a totally autobiographical song or extended as a general observation, but it's one of his most poignant songs, where he chose not to use fast rhythms to compensate for the dramatic lyrics. 

As my reviews have been quite thorough and I don't wish to overwhelm anyone, I'll stop with only those two songs in this entry.